Acting out as a rebellious teen, I was taken to jail on more than one occasion. My criminal acts were of a minor nature; thus, I never had to be imprisoned for very long. I did, however, receive a taste and catch a glimpse of life surrounded by cold, blue steel in a hostile environment. With self-centered fear lodged in the very pit of my soul, I was ushered to my new accommodations; but, it was the sound that I will remember, the sound of a heavy, barred door closing in behind me ---- startling sleeping prisoners, echoing down the darkened halls and through my soul from head to toe. It was a sound and song I would come to know quite well, not necessarily through impenetrable bars of steel; rather, a prison of my own making – the prison of POWERLESSNESS!

Some of our readers know this tune quite well and this is simply another chorus. We have come to know it by various titles: Powerlessness as a sense of utter defeat, spiritual bankruptcy, humiliation, despair, sin, sickness, sorrow and shame. Some simply know it as a monotonous refrain reverberating in the vacuum and void of anything good in our lives. A philosopher of yesteryear put it this way: “There is no dungeon as dark as one’s own soul; and, no jailer as inexplicable as one’s own self.”

Of the 12, this first Step is the most unique for a couple of reasons: first, it is the only Step which names or refers to any kind of substance, i.e. alcohol or drugs, or addictive behaviors, hurts, habits, or hang-ups; second, this is truly the only Step that you or I can take “perfectly.” No one can take it for us, for we are the ones who must come to that place where we have hurt enough, to that place of utter defeat, of weariness, loneliness and loss. This Step is worked perfectly when, as John Baker puts it, you are finally ready to step out of denial and into God’s Grace.

Please keep in mind that this idea of powerlessness comes in many different shapes, models, behaviors and emotional distresses. Certainly the alcoholic or the one strung out on oxycontin often comes to that place of brokenness more readily than, say, the codependent, the anorexic, or the one spending hours a day on the internet with pornography, games, or in the cyber casinos. But make no mistake about it, we’re all in this together and we are all seeking freedom.

The Twelve Steps is for everyone who awakens in the morning and takes a breath. We all find ourselves in the dysfunctional lineage of the Biblical family. Genesis means “beginnings,” and there is no doubt that we find the beginnings of our pain in the pristine harmony of the Garden of Eden where perfection falls and is disassembled in to pieces of self-centered fears, self-seeking motives, and dishonest lives.
We, too, find ourselves in the very heart of Adam and Eve who are the first to hear the song of powerlessness. In their vulnerable nakedness, hiding, lying, blame-seeking, and deflated pride, the grand relationship with the Father is severed but not destroyed. God’s Grace continues to care for this family of exiles and refugees; and, His “original blessing,” as Matthew Fox so aptly describes is never removed. When God created you in His own image, He stepped back and said, “This is very good.” He never removed that blessing from Adam and Eve; and, He has not removed the original blessing of goodness from you.

My friends, the most blessed place of peace is on rock bottom when you, truly, “let go and let God.” Our God is not only an awesome God, but a rock bottom God who waits by the window for the prodigal to come home; who waits for you and me to fall from Grace only to land in His Arms of Mercy and Tears.

Alcohol and drugs, pornography and food; these are not the problems. I am the problem. It’s not about “quitting” but living! If getting my life back was as easy as “quitting” the intake of a substance or the acting out of a particular behavior, then I would have been saved years ago. But I must have quit a thousand times and this is what I learned: It is not about quitting! It’s about living without. You and I must find a new way of living, of thinking, of being. Yes, we must quit and stop the bleeding; but that is only the tip of the iceberg. Recovery begins at base camp at the foot of the mountain. It begins in that place of brokenness where we finally ADMIT that we are “poor in spirit;” where we finally, once and for all, recognize our unmanageable lives as a direct product of our powerless life. Only then are we able to begin the climb to the mountaintop.

You fill in the blanks because it really doesn’t matter whatsoever the poison that seeks to destroy you and all that is around you. Poison is poison; and, addiction is addiction. I’ve seen codependents as sick if not sicker than their alcoholic loved one. In fact, they will often love the addict to death, literally, because they have become as self-centered and impaired as the one they constantly seek to fix, heal and hate.

Plato put it this way: “Everyone you meet is fighting a very difficult battle.” What’s your battle? The Apostle Paul is a Saint who got honest so that we might be able to see the desperate conflict within our own souls when he confessed to us in that 7th chapter of Romans, that the very things he hated, he did and would continue to do. The good he wanted to do he was refrained from doing. He called himself a “wretched man.” Who will save this wretched man? Thanks be to God, he said, there is One who can and will, as a Shepherd, come to our pain; or, as the father of the prodigal run to embrace us even in our ragged stench and sin sick soul.

It all begins here and now; and, it all begins with honesty or it doesn’t begin at all. This is the FIRST step to freedom.
There is a reason for the particular “order” of the Twelve Steps. Each Step builds upon its predecessor and serves as a foundation for its successor. There is Divine Design as God leads you every step of the way if you will remain but one step behind.

In the admission of our powerless human condition, in the weariness of a life gone awry; in the desolate void of a God-shaped hole in the soul; and, in the willingness to come out of hiding behind the mockery of denial, we step in to Grace and fall in to the Arms of Mercy. Powerless and oft hopeless and helpless, we now seek a new Power greater than ourselves. We’re now on the threshold of Hope which awaits us in Step Two.