The legendary comedic philosopher, W.C. Fields, was not known for his astute moral, Christian lifestyle. As he neared the end of his life, he was found one day, by his wife, reading the Bible. Greatly surprised, she asked, “What in the world are you doing reading the Bible?” In that unique, sly drawl, he replied, “Looking for loopholes, my dear; looking for loopholes.”

It’s my addictive, dysfunctional nature to look for loopholes when it comes to this journey of recovery through the Steps. If you’re looking for a loophole which would facilitate an “easier, softer” path; then, you can probably find it in this Step of active reconciliation. Be careful, for your sake, that you do not take unmerited liberty as you read, “…except when to do so…” It is much wiser to err on the side of unnecessary amends-making than it is to leave, untreated, some painful, relational wound. Here’s a good adage: “When in doubt, just do it.”

On more than one occasion in my personal 9th Step work, I made amends to someone who acted so very surprised, saying, “I never even thought about that event, or what you said, or how you acted.” Again, it is much better to make a good mistake than one that will cost you dearly in the future! You must never have to cross the street to hide when you see someone coming that you should have included on your list; or, someone you included, but left it on the paper idle.
“…except when to do so would injure them or others.” I strongly suggest you seek the wise counsel of your sponsor/mentor when not only making your amends list but, likewise, the ones who, “you think” or believe would be harmed by so doing. This can serve, not only, as a loophole for avoidance/denial; but, can also be an act that is merely self-serving! Here’s what I mean by “self-serving”: an act of amends may purely be motivated by my need to purge/cleanse my own conscience while leaving in the wake of that act, one who, then, is deeply hurt or harmed. Some things you will always live with, things between only you, God, and that other human being.

A word about the need to make amends to one who is no longer living. Very simply said, many tears have been shed, letters read, amends made at the foot of a grave. If needed, then go to the grave; and, if you need someone to go with you do not hesitate to ask your sponsor or friend to accompany you. Say what needs to be said and do what must be done in order to truly “lay to rest” all the broken pieces and pain possible.

Often amends is accomplished in “random acts of kindness,” or service and leadership in particular areas of recovery. If it is weighing upon the heart, then take it to God and to the foot of the Cross and leave the results to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Also, for those of you so very anal-attentive and methodical that you must quickly compile a list and check them off one by one, I suggest a new way of accomplishing the tasks before you. There are those persons that you will go to directly – it’s why Bill Wilson chose the word “direct,” that is, “to make direct amends” – then there are those who will cross your path or simply show up in God’s time. This is not another loophole but a reality.

There was one on my list that I had yet to make direct amends and, quite frankly, had great fear in so doing. One day while in a bookstore, I came around an aisle and was standing face to face with this person. We coldly embraced, but then I asked if they had time to get a cup of coffee and talk. I made direct amends that day to a person I had not planned to see. It was one of the sweetest times of tears and reconciliation of my life. You go directly to those you know you need to go directly to; God will bring the others in His time. Go to that grave and spend some time; write a letter, make that call, begin paying back the money, start doing volunteer work at the mission, sweep up after an AA meeting, or lead a group at a Celebrate Recovery program.

I believe the pictured path is clear for us to do the necessary action for freedom. God will give you the grace to go and do what needs to be done, and many will be blessed.

As an ordained minister for 25 years within the United Methodist Church, and having surrendered my credentials in disgrace and great brokenness; I arrived at the need to make amends to “the church” or the Conference. Without pursuing the opportunity, the privilege came to me when the Bishop offered me the time to address the Annual Conference in June, 2003, and before 2000 people I made amends by saying that the only way I knew to make the past right with the church is to the give my life to a future of helping others who suffer like me. The standing ovation was the evidence that it was accepted and I have been able to walk tall in those circles ever since; not with arrogance, but in the humility of reconciliation.